During retrograde, deadlines will be hard to meet. Your excuses about the internet being down or the printer refusing to connect to the computer or the wheel falling off your car and rolling away down the hill are likely to be literally true, however lame they may sound. Mercury will be retrograde until Sept. 14, and we won’t be accepting any excuses after that.

Three to four times a year, the planet Mercury is retrograde, appearing to travel backward across the sky. According to “The Farmer’s Almanac,” these times were traditionally associated with confusion, delay, and frustration. “Think undelivered love letters, email blunders, and frazzled travel plans! This is an excellent time to reflect on the past, however, and it’s said that intuition is high during these periods. Coincidences can be extraordinary.”

According to ancient, time-honored astrological wisdom, the planet Mercury rules logic and communication of all kinds, publishing, research, travel, trucking, banking and commerce. Mercury is the god of poets, thieves, merchants, flight attendants and hedge-fund guys. Also UPS guys, pizza delivery people, postal workers and florists.

Checks lost in the mail, text messages garbled and other misunderstandings caused by miscommunication, especially at work, should all come right on Sept.14. Until then, astrologers are telling us to lie low. Don’t do anything while Mercury is retrograde! Some say don’t push it — leave anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks of down time before and after the retrograde period.

Unfortunately, Mercury is retrograde (going backwards, to get all granular and wonky about it) a good deal of the time. While it is all very well to say that caution is the better part of valor and that fools rush in, and so on, we must take care to avoid the appearance of lying low, which may be confused with “slacking off” and frowned upon by bosses or coworkers.

As an aside, I should mention that astronomers and astrologers disagree about Mercury retrograde. Astronomers do not believe that Mercury ever goes backwards at all. It’s just an illusion, they say. Well, if it’s just an illusion, why then did my muffler pipe break last retrograde, causing my muffler to drag along behind my car, creating a horrible racket? Explain that.

Study the following astrological hints so you’ll know what to do when Mercury goes retrograde again. Do it soon, because when it does you will want to be lying low, not studying.

ARIES: Slow down! Quit pushing people around and trying to be the boss of everybody. Take it easy. Not that you will, because lying low is not in your nature, so never mind.

TAURUS: Mercury retrograde shouldn’t cramp your style too much. You spend a lot of time thinking things over and refusing to budge anyway, so you probably won’t even notice.

GEMINI: Oh no! Gemini is ruled by Mercury, and you’re a communicator. Mercury rules communication in all forms — listening, writing, reading and speaking — as well as negotiations and contracts. This will make things even worse for politicians under indictment. Forget the lawyers — you guys need an astrologer.

CANCER: Nothing will go according to plan, but when does it ever?

LEO: No gambling. Quit roaring around.

VIRGO: Watch out! Spell check is always untrustworthy, and especially right now. Not that anyone but you will notice.

LIBRA: Everything will be all right. Libra is the balance, but if everything seems out of whack, think of a teeter-totter. Life is a constant balancing act. Come to think of it, don’t get on that teeter-totter now unless you know the other person is a lot lighter than you, so when he jumps off it won’t matter.

SCORPIO: Oh, Scorpio, you’re so bad! You’re bound to get in trouble, but do you care, really?

SAGITTARIUS: Careful. The Old Straight Arrow could get sidetracked now.

CAPRICORN: All real estate issues are best avoided.

AQUARIUS: While Capricorn is procrastinating with that real estate, you could step in, maybe get a deal.

PISCES: You won’t know whether you’re coming or going, but, unlike Sagittarius, you are NOT the Old Straight Arrow, so no problemo.

I hate to tell you this, but during the upcoming holiday season, from Dec. 13 through Jan. 1, Mercury will be retrograde. Don’t make any resolutions until the New Year; better safe than sorry.

Have a good week.

(Martha Allen lives in Keene Valley. She has been writing for the Lake Placid News for more than 20 years.)