MARTHA SEZ: Marcy Field was vandalized. Who did it?

Who vandalized Marcy Field last Saturday? The world wants to know.

My first thought, when I saw the tire marks, was crop circles! It seemed so obvious. Aliens must have done it.

Although, on closer inspection, the circles in the muddy turf of Marcy Field were nowhere near as geometrical as those previously attributed to intelligent beings from outer space. If these designs were indeed the work of aliens, they must have been a younger generation with a new crop-circle aesthetic, or perhaps aliens from a different planet.

I Googled it and found a 2022 “New York Times” article titled “Crop Circles Were Made by Supernatural Forces. Named Doug and Dave.”

In 1991, two Southhampton men, Doug Bower and Dave Chorley, finally came clean about creating 200 complex crop circles in a farming district in Southern England during the 80s. They enjoyed following the resultant media attention and conspiracy theories, and watched as others around the globe imitated their mystifying crop circle designs.

So not aliens then.

I hate to just automatically blame young people. Maybe it was people my own age, oldsters in their SUVs tearing up Marcy Field. Except if it was oldsters, it would be hard to believe they were out joy-riding, the way young folk might be. If geezers had done the damage, it would be 10 to 1 because they had somehow lost track and blundered off into the field without fully comprehending at the time what they were doing.

Helen: “Now, Hank, look what you’ve done, we’re in a field! And you’re getting the car all muddy!”

Hank: “What? I know where I’m going. Don’t tell me how to drive. It feels like the tires are getting stuck. Damn cheap Chevy!”

Helen: “Hank! What are you doing? Stop that this minute! We’re spinning in circles!”

Hank: “Don’t have a hissy fit, Helen, I’m just accelerating — to get us out of the mud — all this rain we’ve been having — hey, this is fun!”

Helen: “Whee! I haven’t had this much fun since I was 16 years old!”

Hank: “Hee hee!”

So yes, perhaps that is how it happened. But then again I think not. I think it was Hank and Helen’s grandchildren and their friends, bored out of their minds in the wee hours, or maybe just zonked with cabin fever in a rainy, rainy summer in a small town after the COVID shutdown.

Or maybe COVID had nothing to do with it. Maybe doing donuts in a muddy field in the predawn hours was just fun. Nothing more to it. They weren’t thinking much either way about damaging the field.

I’m pretty sure that no one we’ve ever known would have done donuts in the field or at the school or anywhere.

Although I recall riding to high school with my brother Bill in his little Fiat. He would always wait until the last possible second to leave, so I was always just slightly late to homeroom. Bill liked to drive at top speed in-between two metal posts set up to prevent people from entering the parking lot in a particular place. A normal Detroit-made car of that era — a Pontiac or a Chrysler — could not have cleared the narrow space between the posts, but the little Italian Fiat made it every time. I was never confident it would, and I am pretty sure Bill enjoyed the adrenalin rush he got at the beginning of each school day.

Also, Bill and his friends liked to do donuts.

I gleaned the following information about donuts from The CarParts.com Research Team.

Doing donuts in a car is a maneuver that shows off a driver’s skill by going in tight circles while the car’s rear wheels are doing a burnout.

A burnout is the practice of keeping a vehicle stationary and spinning its wheels, the resultant friction causing the tires to heat up and smoke. Donuts are essentially burnouts but with the steering wheel turned in one direction.

The traction control system must be turned off to create a burnout. Take note that doing donuts will create smoke and a loud screeching sound that can be heard throughout the entire neighborhood. The tires will also leave skid marks on the road that might take months to disappear or can even be permanent.

Donuts are typically only done with rear-wheel drive and all-wheel drive vehicles. Front-wheel drive vehicles can still do burnouts, albeit in reverse.

Don’t do donuts!

Have a good week.

(Martha Allen lives in Keene Valley. She has been writing for the Lake Placid News for more than 20 years.)

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