Last week: 387 lbs.

Start (Dec. 17): 470 lbs.

Total lost: 83 lbs.

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I know you look at the numbers first. Everyone does. That’s what people want to know when they talk to me.

“How did you do this week? Did you lose any weight?”

And they usually follow it up with, “There are a lot of people following your journey.”

No pressure, right?

Success. I wanted to build an audience by creating a running narrative — reality TV for the newspaper — and I’ve been able to do that. I’ve been able to lose a lot of weight, change my lifestyle for the better and get healthier. I’ve been able to inspire people to embark on their own weight-loss journeys. For these reasons, the Lake Placid Diet has been successful.

But there’s irony at work here. The thing that’s helped me lose weight — holding myself accountable by taking a public journey — is now preventing me from losing more. I strongly believe it’s the rebar in the wall I’m currently struggling to climb over.

The pressure of performing every week — achieving weight-loss numbers so my readers keep reading and stay inspired — is generating an unbelievable amount of stress in my life. And I’m a stress eater.

Perhaps that’s one reason I had hoped to finish writing the Lake Placid Diet after one year, to stop the pressure.

Yet it’s the pressure that’s kept me from slipping back into my old ways, so I feel like I’m stuck in the jaws of a vise, with the screw being moved back and forth but never enough to either crush me or let me free. It’s just beating me up.

I have to find a balance. I have to focus. I dream about taking a break from writing for a month, facing my demons and coming back stronger than ever with numbers I can be proud of, so I can say, “There! I’ve done it.” But I’m not sure that will fix my problem. Like eating a mountain of ice cream when you’re depressed, the problem will still be there when your belly is full and when you come down off that sugar high.

I’ve backed myself into a corner and created what seems like a no-win situation, fabricating a scenario that ends with hopelessness and disappointment. It makes me sad. I truly feel like I’ve let everyone down.

It seems no matter how hard I work at my diet and exercise plan, I can’t get below 382 pounds. I’ve been bouncing around in the 380s for months with no great numbers to show since finishing the Lake Placid Half-Marathon in June, when I weighed 389 pounds. That, to me, is failure.

Yes, I’ve gained muscle, and I’m stronger than I was in December when I began this journey, thanks to my workouts at Fitness Revolution. And I’ve basically maintained, not gained back all the weight. But losing weight is the measure of my success, and I feel that if I don’t perform well enough to produce those numbers, I’ve fallen short.

Even during the Take It Off weight-loss challenge at Fitness Revolution, which I am a current participant, I feel like I’ve let my trainers down. I dread walking in Tuesdays to give them my number every week. I’d rather just go in and work out without the added pressure. Ask anyone who’s there; I work hard at the gym. I’m there 30 minutes early every time to warm up, and I’m not afraid to try exercises that I probably can’t do. Lately I’ve been going extra days. I just wish the numbers would follow my physical improvements.

So what are the alternatives here? I can give up and feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life, or I can keep going and realize that the wall I’ve hit is normal.

There’s nothing bad about feeling like a failure. That’s a part of being human. It’s what you do with those feelings that matter. After all, I didn’t lose more than 80 pounds without overcoming some major challenges. I clawed at those walls and climbed over them, and I’m at a new place now.

I can now walk up stairs, one foot after the other, without holding on to a railing. My belly no longer rubs against the steering wheel of my car. I was able to finish a half-marathon this year. These are just a few of the many accomplishments I can count thanks to the Lake Placid Diet, and it all happened because I took that first step and made it happen. I worked hard, and I didn’t give up.

I encourage you, the reader, to keep doing your job. Ask me how I’m doing. Look at the numbers. Expect that I will lose weight, but be realistic. Know that I’ll be running into walls and won’t be able to produce numbers every week. Stick with me.

And I’ll do my job, continuing to face my challenges in the Lake Placid Diet. I won’t give up. I’ve put too much time and energy into this journey to quit now. Plateaus and walls will always be there in life, no matter what struggles we face, and the extra stress of losing weight in public is just one more mountain I’ll have to climb. I know there are rewards waiting for me at the top. I look forward to seeing you there.