Last week: 393 lbs.

Start (Dec. 17): 470 lbs.

Total lost: 85 lbs.

—

I was drunk. Taking off my shorts in the bathroom, I lost my balance and fell into the bathtub, ripping down the shower curtain the process, landing on my back. I laughed and kept laughing; it was absurd.

My wife didn’t think it was so funny. “Are you OK? Are you OK?” She rushed up the stairs to see what had happened.

I was fine, just a little drunk and possibly hurt, but I wasn’t feeling anything. I was just laughing at myself. How did I end up here in this bathtub wrapped in a shower curtain, the rod on my head, the two dogs cowering downstairs, my wife standing in the doorway giving me a lecture?

“It’s not funny,” she said over and over. She’s still saying that today. “The dogs were scared. So was I.”

That was Monday night, Sept. 29. I somehow found the composure to put the shower curtain back up before going to bed. I slept like a baby and woke up with a slight hangover, but it wasn’t that bad. I was still giggling about falling into the bathtub until I peeled away the shower curtain to run water for my shower. Apparently, the back of my head hit the bathtub faucet and ripped it off the wall. It was resting in the bathtub, a bare water pipe hanging out of the wall.

“That’s not going to work,” I said to myself. “Crap. Dawn’s going to kill me.”

We couldn’t take showers Tuesday morning. That didn’t go over very well with my wife. I got another lecture. Hulbert’s Supply didn’t open until 7 a.m. The shower was fixed by 8, in time to at least wash my hair.

Thoroughly embarrassed by my actions, I silently vowed to shape up. Later on, I apologized to my wife. Before heading to work Tuesday morning, she asked the only question I would have asked.

“What possessed you to drink so much?”

There was a simple yet stupid explanation. I had purchased a bottle of brandy the previous Friday, wanting to relax after a hard week at work. I was tired and ready for a break. So I had a little brandy Friday night and ate a little more for dinner than I should have for someone trying to lose weight. I did the same on Saturday and on Sunday, eating salty snacks in the process. By Monday, I was finally getting back on track, and that night I looked at the bottle of brandy, about half full, and realized that I needed to get rid of it so I could refocus my weight-loss effort.

I chose the worst — yet most fun — way of dumping the brandy: down my gullet. In retrospect, I should have just poured it down the drain. While it sounds wasteful, that would have been the smart thing to do. But we don’t always do the smart things, do we? It sounded more fun to drink it while reading my book. Brandy on ice, no chaser, relaxing with a good read. That, of course, led to eating more junk food and falling into the bathtub.

For better or worse, that’s what I was thinking. Not much thought, just emotion and reaction.

I don’t drink often, and when I do, I usually drink three or four beers max before getting sleepy. For me, the trouble with buying a six-pack or a bottle of booze is not the initial night of self-indulgence; it’s the leftovers. Letting loose on one night — whether it’s alcohol or junk food — usually leads to one, two or three extra days of bad eating behavior. It used to lead me astray for weeks and months at time. This time, it led to a 9-pound weight gain for the week.

I lost focus for a moment. No big deal. I eventually climbed back on the wagon and refocused my efforts. It took an embarrassing drunk moment to kick my ass into shape, but it worked.

I’m not making excuses here, but I’ve been depressed lately. While I didn’t get drunk to feel better, my depression led to buying the brandy and junk food; therefore, the depression led to the bathtub incident. I’m not proud of that fact, but it is what it is. That’s life. We move on.

I don’t get depressed more than a few times a year, but when I do, it usually lasts for weeks. After thinking about it for awhile, I’m pretty sure this bout was triggered by a photo I printed with my Lake Placid Diet column a few weeks ago, the one of me getting out of Mirror Lake after completing the 400-meter swim portion of the Aug. 11 mini-triathlon. When I looked at the photo, the rolls of fat appalled me, and my face was puffier than I’m used to seeing in the mirror nowadays. Even though I’d lost 80 pounds, I was disgusted with my appearance. What was that fat guy in the photo thinking, taking his shirt off in public?

Psychologically, it was a major blow. I already knew I had a long way to go in order to reach my goal weight of 220 pounds, but there it was, in black and white, a fat guy in a swimsuit. My self-esteem plummeted. All those good feelings of accomplishment — weight loss, Biggest Loser 5k, Lake Placid Half-Marathon, mini-triathlon, Lake Placid Classic 10k — were out the door. In my mind, I was right back where I started on Dec. 17. I felt like I was 470 pounds again, and I hated myself.

Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw fat. Every time I exercised, I felt the fat jiggle and slap against my body. Every time I sat down, I saw this huge belly. You can cup it with two hands and lift it up and down. That’s not natural, but for me, it’s an ugly normal. There I was, faced with starting all over, like nothing had happened over the past nine months. I felt as though I would never lose the weight.

After twisting the new tub faucet onto the pipe in the wall, I shook my head and promised to get back on track. My weekly goal was to lose the weight I had gained over the weekend and a few more pounds for good measure. I kept thinking of my new mantra: “Put faith in the effort.” Losing 8 pounds for this week ain’t so bad. I’m back in the game.

If I work hard and stay focused, I’ll lose the weight. I may not lose weight today, but I will soon. I have to put faith in the effort. Keep plugging away. Never give up.

TGIF ideas

I had to tackle this problem with a brainstorming session with the help of my Facebook friends. (Thanks!) Here are some activities you can do to blow off steam in ways other than eating, drinking, or watching programs on TV or videos on the computer.

-Go for a walk.

-Go for a swim.

-Go for a bike ride.

-Go bowling.

-Go paddling.

-Play a sport.

-Do something on your Active Bucket List.

-Play with the dogs.

-Take the dogs for a walk.

-Do household chores.

-Work in the garden.

-Spend time in nature.

-Shovel the driveway.

-Build something.

-Fix something.

-Volunteer for something.

-Go on a date that doesn’t include a meal.

-Go for a drive in the car.

-Have sex.

-Work out at the gym.

-Socialize.

-Find a way — any way — to sweat.

-Go out and explore the world.

-Make some music.

-Listen to music.

-Create something.

-Organize something.

-Plan something.

-Update your bucket list.

-Find a hobby.

-Read a book.

-Write.

-Find ways to laugh.

-Meditate.

-Light scented candles.

-Play a game.

-Learn something new.

-Call somebody on the phone.

-Get a massage.

-Take a dip in a hot tub.

-Go to bed early.