After devoting a column to spiritual con games and scams last week, my antennae are up, and I am naturally even more skeptical than usual when examining such “offers.” Rather than try to describe the AMFG message, which is complicated and unusual, I include it here in its entirety, as follows:

“You know the old expression:You can’t take it with you?

“WHO SAYS?!

“One answer: LOSERS!

“Recent advances in Post Life Technology (PLT) have unlocked the SECRET WISDOM known only to the Pharaohs and shrouded in mystery for the intervening three thousand years UNTIL NOW!

“Now Post Life Technologies have made a quantum leap, combining ancient wisdom with modern science to make your afterlife comfortable, predictable and, most importantly, AFFORDABLE.

“For centuries human beings have been throwing themselves willy-nilly into the hereafter without the vaguest notion of how they intend to manage FOR ETERNITY on the other side.

“Can’t take it with you?

“LOSER TALK!

“Now, AfterMarket Financial Group’s cutting edge Post Life Technologies can have your hard-earned nest egg waiting for you.

“Yes, YOU, not your nieces and nephews in heaven-knows-where, not your children, who haven’t visited in heaven-knows-how-long, but you, the one whose hard work brought all that money together.

“Thanks to modern science, now you’re way ahead of those old pharaohs. Elaborate embalming, the ritual killing of your entire household, not to mention your elite home guard? LEAVE ‘EM BE! Why bother? You’ll have the luxury, unheard of in the ancient world, of travelling light to the underworld. And, when you get there, AfterMarket Financial GUARANTEES you have what really counts to get comfortable for The Long Ride.

“Here’s how it works.

“Before death, the soon-to-be-dead consign to (Arizona State Certified) AfterMarket Financial Group their liquid assets, real property, worldly goods or whatever portion of same they deem adequate to tide them over forever. Of course provision can be made for those loved ones who are fortunate enough to not be facing IMMINENT DEATH and who might be considered to have ample time to EARN their own fortunes, in whatever amounts the person about to die sees fit.

“So finally, once you’ve allowed your generosity to run wild, you simply sign over what’s left of your life’s rewards to AfterMarket Financial, kick back and wait to part with all you hold dear- AND GET IT BACK! Yes, through the scientific miracle of PLT, all will be returned to you IN HEAVEN!

“It’s as simple as that.

“So, why delay? Call AfterMarket Financial Group TODAY for a smooth landing in an Eternity that’s secure tomorrow.”

I can’t help but wonder whether the author of this email read my previous column, in which I confessed that I am tempted to purchase the services of an online astrologer. The self-styled AMFG rep might well have surmised that, because I am susceptible to the blandishments of this “spiritual advisor,” I will likewise be tempted by his afterlife offer.

Con artists commonly prey on the elderly. What better way to ensnare old people than promising eternal security?

I mean, the AMFG rep does have a point.

Those who have amassed a fortune during their lifetimes will quite naturally be reluctant to leave it behind to fall into undeserving, profligate hands. It must rankle to imagine others misusing your treasure after you’ve gone. No one else will appreciate it the way you do; your precious hoard will signify nothing more than free money, mad money, extra, superfluous funds to squander on whatever. Worse, it could be spent on political parties or causes that make your blood boil. You will have absolutely no control over any of this, once you have gone beyond. Who will pay any attention to your wishes?

Possibly you could hang around as a ghost or what is currently called an entity, tinkering with the electricity and causing inanimate objects to levitate and fly about the room, making eerie noises and so on, but take my word for it, all of this will be ineffective.

What I would like to ask the proponents of PLT is this: What if I’m still in debt when I die? Will my debt follow me to the grave and beyond? I would hate to think of being dunned by telemarketers for eternity. Clearly, there is more to consider here than meets the eye. Something to think about.

Have a good life.