Sign In | Create an Account | Welcome, . My Account | Logout | Subscribe | Submit News | News | Local News | Contact Us | Home RSS

MARTHA SEZ: Foghorn Leghorn ready to ring in the new year

January 12, 2017
By MARTHA ALLEN , Lake Placid News

I recently wrote about the Chinese Year of the Chicken, or Rooster, which will begin Jan. 28.

I told you that, according to feng shui, the dread Grand Duke Jupiter, either a deity or a force of nature, is seated somewhere on the western side of everybody's house in the 2017 Year of the Rooster, and that the worst thing you can do is to sit facing him for any extended period of time-especially if you were born in a Rooster year-for example while watching television or working on your computer.

Let me re-emphasize that the Grand Duke really hates this, perhaps because he is, after all, a nobleman of high degree, whereas you, probably, are not. No offense.

Even now, he is sitting somewhere in your house-on the southwest side, through Jan. 27, at which time, presumably, he will ponderously get up and shift due west-ready to take offense at any slight, real or imagined. Probably the little check engine light that just went on in your car is attributable to the Grand Duke Jupiter. Maybe you spilled something on him.

I forgot to warn you about the Three Killings, another mysterious and terrifying force, that moves around your home, as well as your place of work, facing the Grand Duke Jupiter as if in a deadly pas de deux. As I understand it, the Three Killings are basically some bad, bad vibes.

While the Grand Duke hates to be faced or pointed at, you must never turn your back on the Three Killings. That is one thing the Three Killings cannot abide. Fortunately,when you turn your back on the Grand Duke, you will be facing the Three Killings, so that's all right.

Right now, the rooster is snug in his egg, and we are still in the Year of the Monkey.

Tricks and manipulation, unpredictable behavior and all kinds of bunco abound in Monkey years. The Monkey thinks it's fun. Facts are hidden and all kinds of subterfuge dreamed up. What a great year for a presidential election!

And a great year for thimble riggers, entrepreneurs, jiggery pokery and skulduggery of all kinds. There he goes, swinging on a gold chandelier, snatching the banana right out of your hand! But isn't he clever?

Beware of sweetheart scams when the monkey says he loves you.

On the other hand, the monkey is known to be very affectionate. And so cute! He must have left that diamond ring in his other coat.

The Rooster, some say, will set things straight, maybe a little straighter than some of us would like, as he struts his stuff around the barnyard. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to get ahead of the Rooster. You may tire of this.

Rooster: Cock-a-doodle-dooo! Cock-a-doodle-dooo!

You: oh, shut up!

The Rooster is vain and boastful and loves to be in the spotlight. He is also hardworking and confident.

It is difficult, in our busy lives, to observe Chinese good-luck mandates while also following our own, more familiar, customs.

How can the Grand Duke Jupiter and the Three Killings be in everybody's home and workplace at the same time, we ask? Perhaps in the same way that Santa Claus can be pretty much everywhere at once.

I just took down my Christmas tree, which I had placed in the southwestern corner of my living room. It never occurred to me as I strung the lights and hung my keepsake decorations that I was trespassing on the purview of the dread Grand Duke Jupiter. I thought of that later.

I have a question: Did the Christmas tree invoke his wrath, as a fish tank or water fountain is said to do, or did it, in the manner of various amulets, charms and knickknacks obtainable over the Internet, somehow appease him? This is a mystery.

We in the West will never fully understand these things. By the same token, we must admit that the East will never fully comprehend the ways of the West.

In the words of Foghorn Leghorn, legendary Looney Tunes rooster, "I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em!"

Foghorn Leghorn is no doubt every bit as inscrutable to much of the world's population as the Grand Duke Jupiter is to us. Maybe he can be our mentor for the Year of the Rooster.

"Now lookee-I say, lookee here! Any of this gettin' through to you son?"

Watch your back, and have a good week.



I am looking for:
News, Blogs & Events Web